Interview with Mistress K

Find out more about your favourite Mistress.

Q. How should we address you?

A. Simply Karen or Ms K or Mistress, meaning woman in authority. I really do not mind which one you use as names do not make a person.

Q. When did you begin Pro-Domming and what inspired you to do so?

A. Goodness, it seems a long time ago now. It was 1998 and the idea came about when it dawned upon me that I had always felt somewhat unsatisfied with my previous occupations. Once I accepted that I wanted to undertake professionally what I had done for a while privately, there was no stopping me. I had found what I had always been supposed to do.

It is good to know that by being a professional Domme I can play with lots of different subs, some of whom through their own life circumstances cannot access bdsm play in any other way.

Q. Are there any downsides to being a Professional Dominatrix?

A. The vast majority of the time being a PD is great fun. I have met many lovely subs, some of whom have gone onto be close friends. I have experienced a wide variety of bdsm play and in all honesty every person I play with and session I run is different. My days are never dull.

Sometimes though, I have had to deal with the less charming side of what I do. Before I instigated the deposit system for first time subs, I had a few time wasters who can really kill off your enthusiasm. I truly dislike bad manners and selfish disrespectful behaviour.

I also get irritated by those subs who don’t read my website carefully. I see no reason why I should have to keep repeating what is already there to be read.

I don’t take kindly to potential subs who start to tell me how I should operate as a Pro-Domme. Some tell me I should wear fetish clothing, that I don’t need a deposit system, that I should be more available on the phone. My answer to all this is that I do this my way because I know what is best for myself, what meets my needs and no one has any right to try to tell me what to do. If a sub reads my site and doesn’t like what they read, then they have the right to go elsewhere. They do not have the right to start telling me how I can mould myself to fit their needs. Somehow that isn’t what being a Domme is all about, is it?

Q. Why have you stopped doing Cross-dressing play, transformations and make overs?

A. The harsh truth of this is I simply got bored with doing this kind of activity. At heart I am a Mistress and My pleasure is in being served, training subs or being sadistic, and mostly playing with dedicated cross-dressers or those looking for TV transformations is about me serving their needs above and often instead of my own. I want my sessions to be really exciting for me and nowadays that means the only time female attire is used in my sessions is for genuine humiliation purposes. There are many Mistresses who offers services for cross dressers and transformations and if they gain genuine pleasure in doing so, then I do not feel bad that those things are not for me.

Q. So why no age play?

A. Age play involves one person taking the part of a child or adolescent most obviously in schoolboy spanking scenarios or adult baby play or strict aunt and naughty teenage nephew. I decided a little while ago that I had ambiguous feelings about enacting age play as I either found it uninteresting, in the case of adult baby play or in schoolboy spanking provoked feelings I was uncomfortable with. I am always aroused when performing CP and it occurred to me that I felt it was not right to feel aroused when doing bdsm utilising a mental image of someone underage. I make no judgement about how others feel or react, I can only explain how I feel.

Q. Surely schoolboy spankings are a big part of CP, which you say you love?

A. It is true that many people are into schoolboy spankings but that is only one form of CP. It forms part of the ‘spanking’ culture enjoyed by ‘spankos’ and this is the area of CP which I am not really into. I see my pleasure in CP as more ‘freestyle’ and less formalised or ritualised. I love CP using all my different implements and in a almost limitless variety of contexts. I just do not enjoy role-playing beating a ‘pretend’ child.

Q. Do you play with women or welcome couples?

A. Not anymore. I did try this and it was of limited success. I prefer to play with men and just one at a time. I like my encounters to be private and with my attention focussed on just the sub I am with at the time.

Q. How do you feel about being offered or sent gifts?

A. I appreciate that subs may wish to give or send me gifts but in truth I prefer it if they don’t. I would be mortified if I was given very big or valuables gifts and I despise the way in which some PD have wish lists with expensive items listed as though they actually believe subs should subsidise them. If I want to get something,I take pride that I purchase it for myself.

One thing I forbid is anyone sending me things through the post. It would only take one thing to go astray and end up in a neighbour’s hands and I would have some very difficult explaining to do. It nearly happened once and it made me change my policy regarding receiving letters, application forms or gifts in the post.

Q. What is the most irritating thing a sub can ask?

A. Oh, that is easy. Even though I make it clear that I session alone with a sub, some ask me, with depressing regularity, if I can drum up other women or Dommes for the sessions.
I have to explain that I do not have a vast array of underemployed female friends or fellow Dommes who can just be press ganged into sessions and even if I did, they would have to be paid as so the session would rapidly become exorbitantly expensive. There now I have said this, I really do hope I won’t get asked it again, ever. Phew!

Q. What do you feel about allowing a sub to worship your body?

I don’t like the term ‘body worship’ as I am not an object or deity to be worshipped. I know that worship is the word habitually used to describe a sub giving sensual pleasure by touch and tongue. I get turned on by doing bdsm . If I want sexual pleasure during a session, I will tell a sub what I wish him to do, with tongue, fingers or using vibrators. He will not be asked to have sexual intercourse with me. If I do not want sexual pleasure, I will just refrain from asking for it but that does not mean I am not enjoying the session, merely that I do not want sexual pleasure at that point.

Q. What do you expect from potential subs?

A. Obviously, one expects openness, honesty, and sincerity to begin with. I would expect the person to have a genuine desire to explore their submissive side with me and be mentally and physically willing to embark upon that journey. They must be emotionally healthy and have respect for themselves and myself.

Q. What are good traits for a sub to possess?

A. Apart, from genuine submissiveness, good manners and excellent personal hygiene, I like responsiveness both physically and verbally. I appreciate a sub who is clearly enjoying themselves. This doesn’t mean I am looking for a “When Harry met Sally” shrieking moment, just signs of life and appreciation.

I do understand that subs can go quiet at times in sessions, sub space can do that but I do hate it if subs are so unresponsive I fear they have died or at very least gone into a coma. Communication during a session is important and subs need not feel afraid from speaking if I ask them to. If I don’t want talking, well, that is what gags are for! :-)

Q. Do you use safe words?

A. I do allow safe words but am also happy to play without them.

I use the simple and well known traffic light system. This means that RED means ‘stop‘ and if you said RED I would immediately stop what I was doing and would ask you if you were okay. AMBER means that you are getting close to your limit but could carry on at the same intensity but no higher. GREEN can be used if you want to inform me that you are very happy with the intensity of the activity and hope it will continue for a while. Now, whether it does, will depend on how nice or nasty I feel at the time.

Q. Do you do phone sessions or e-mail domination?

A. Simply and in a nutshell, no. I am very much a ‘hands on’ Domme and get absolutely nothing out of dominating via phone or e-mail.

Q. If you could have an ideal session, what would it be like?

A. My ideal session would be one where myself and the sub would feel the energy and excitement of the other. We would understand each other and would be very comfortable in each other’s company. We would spark each other’s imagination and I would be sexually and mentally aroused. What I did with or to the sub would be less important than the rapport we had. At the end we would both feel great, relaxed,happy, ready to face the world again, revived and rejuvenated. I feel privileged to have had some truly fabulous sessions like that and they are indeed, food for the soul.

Q. What do you think are your good points as a PD?

A. Well apart from being imaginative, competent, easy on the eye, intelligent and according to one subs comments “ the thinking man’s Domme”, there are a few things which I am proud of.

I am pleased that I always give my best to my subs. I know you get out what you put in and I less than altruistically want to have a good time and want my subs to enjoy serving me and being dealt with by me.

I am honest and make sure my subs are told it like it is, even if it is not what they want to hear.

I keep my integrity by only doing what I really enjoy doing and things I am good at. Money will never persuade me to change this attitude, and believe me, some have tried. I have laughed and sent them on their way.

I only see one sub a day and the reason for that is to keep myself fresh, energetic and interested. I see no reason for being a PD unless I am happy doing it. Simple common sense really, isn’t it?

Q. What general advice would you give to a sub looking for a new Mistress?

A. Firstly, treat us PDs as individuals. We are not just the same woman, differentiated by geography. We all have our own style, rules, availability, preferences and off-limits. Comparing us to the other PDs or a fantasy idea of a PD is likely to go down rather badly.

Be as self-aware and communicative as you can be. Tell us what you really are into and are looking for. Don’t pretend to have experience you do not posses. PDs don’t judge subs badly for having no prior experience. We do get miffed with bull-shitters though. Who wouldn’t?

Don’t ever haggle with PDs about their fees as each one of us sets the fees we think is right and proper for ourselves, the geographical area in which we live, and what kinds of activities we engage in.

Q. What is good about being a Professional Domme?

A. It is a great thing to be. The rewards are numerous.

I love the energy created between myself and a sub. It is rewarding to know that a sub may have specific and unique desires and I can satisfy his desires at the same time as having a brilliant time myself.

I love having male bodies to play with.. I am a sensuous and teasing woman who adores getting to know the minds and bodies of my subs.

I get immense satisfaction from knowing what I do is meaningful, important and thrilling for my subs. It is the icing on the cake for me to be getting so much pleasure from being the other side of the coin to my sub, the leader, facillitator, while he is the passive and submissive one.

Being in control is for me the best thrill in the world and being a PD gives me that incredible high every day.